So lately I’ve been upping the prayer factor. More prayer, more often, and more fervently. I just really need help with my own self. I used to think that I just couldn’t ‘do it’. I just had too much on my plate and no one would expect this much of a woman. Then, I began considering the lives of other women I’ve known. They did amazing things, they lived lives much more stressful and difficult than mine, and with grace and peace. So, maybe I haven’t been given too much, maybe I just need to become a stronger, more capable person.
So I prayed.
I prayed for patience, that I could deal with the constant interruptions and messes of my children with more humanity.
I prayed for perseverance, that I could decide what I want to do (fold 15 loads of laundry or design 3 websites in one day) and do it. And do it well.
I prayed for gratefulness, that I would stop complaining, stop thinking that other people have it better than me, and be present in the reality that God has given me SO much. What do I really have to complain about, anyway?
And I thought, I can pray, but I bet nothing will change. These are HUGE things that I’ve struggled with all my life. They’re practically embedded in my person. But, I’ll pray anyway.
What happens when you pray? God listens. Even if you don’t think He does. And He answers. In one way or another.
However, the answer might surprise you, and if your not looking out, you might just miss it.
Last Saturday, my poor left foot came down with some horrid infection. I’m talking some grossness you don’t even want to look at. A big patch of blisters upon blisters, crazy painful itching, and a foot that just didn’t want to be walked around on.
It’s been a week now. Of lots of medicines, of willing my mind not to scratch all my skin off, of asking my sweet kids to, “please go get mommy her cup of coffee”, of them making lunch and leaving smears of peanut butter over everything in the kitchen. Of begging friends to run to the grocery store for me. Of just sitting on the couch and chatting with my tween, because that doesn’t involve my foot in any way, and she’s really opens up if you give her a while to let her thoughts trickle out. I’d get to my desk and laptop and then just stay there and work, because to actually get up and do something else was just way too much trouble. There was the curly-haired red head lady who ferociously walks our neighborhood each morning, animatedly talking on her cell phone. And I thought, “Wow, walking is SO AWESOME. When I’m better I’m going to remember to be thankful for walking!”
Just yesterday I realized that I’ve gotten what I prayed for.
I might be a bit more patient today than I was last week. I’m definitely improving in perseverance. You take this foot and try not scratching it like crazy and let me know what you think about perseverance! :) And I’m grateful. So grateful. The ‘me’ of last week would have thought I’d be having a pity party right about now. But, no. I’m truly grateful for my family and my friends. Grateful that doctors can help me. Grateful that I CAN slow down a bit and everything DOESN’T fall apart. It actually looks like everyone is a bit happier around here when mommy isn’t swirling around like a crazy woman.
And I’m grateful that God can use anything, really anything, to bring about His good. Even my dumb foot. Thank you!